Spring break is here and you may be panicking. All the kids home for a week can easily turn into a pain (and lots of Netflix) , but it doesn’t have to be!

Here is a round-up of a few activities that I will write about in more detail later. If you are looking for something fun to do, I hope this can help!

Hike:

Cowiche Canyon Conservatory really highlights the beauty of the Yakima valley. Most of their trails have been closed because of snowmelt, but they announced on facebook they are all open now!

• Saturday, March 30 at 9am there is a guided hike to look for birds at the Snow Mountain Ranch trail (apparently there are tons out right now). If you can’t make it Saturday, you could always buy a PNW bird book at Inklings Bookshop and hike the trail looking and identifying birds yourself! Birdwatching isn’t just for senior citizens, kids LOVE trying to figure out nature species!

• My other favorite Cowiche Canyon trails are Uplands (which gives a gorgeous and non-strenuous view of the valley) and Rocky Top (which has a green and orange harvester you can easily hike to with kids). Directions to both can be found on the Cowiche Canyon Conservatory website HERE.

Visit:

If the weather is crummy there are some obvious places to go, but if you weren’t aware, here are some of our favorites:

• Head to the movies! The new Dumbo film is out and showing at the Majestic theater.
• Get your wiggles out at Kids Castle or Get Air (there are coupons on the Get Air website that lowers the cost). Tip: Go right when it opens, that is when it will be the least crowded (Get Air opens at 10am and Kids Castle opens at 1pm)
• Meadowbrook Family Fun Center! All outdoor activities are now open so you don’t have to be stuck in the arcade with tons of flashing lights, instead you can mini golf to your hearts content.
• Yakima Valley Museum actually contains a TON of unique Yakima history. Take the time to check out all the old wagons or the amazing gem and rock collection as you make your way down to the Children’s Underground Area. The underground area is a fun play space that invites imaginative play.

Small Day Trips:

Choose a day this coming week to travel a little further outside of the Yakima Valley for some new adventures.

Ellensburg Rotary Park

• Head to Ellensburg with your bikes and helmets and check out this awesome track for kids to practice their bike skills. There are super fun balance beams and jumps (big and small) and more for kids to try out. It’s meant for beginner and intermediate riders so expect to see other parents with their kids.

• Directions to the park: Heading to Ellensburg, take the Canyon Rd. exit, taking a right after the exit. Head straight up Main Street, taking a left on W 5th ave. 5th Ave will end with you driving straight into the park, the bike skills area will be on your left.

• Don’t forget food! Afterwards you can head to Cornerstone Pie for some delicious fire-roasted pizza. It’s super yummy.

Roslyn

This is my mom’s favorite town and she has shared with me all of the amazing small shops and activities that make this quaint town a fun destination. (Fun fact: Roslyn is where the show Northern Exposure was filmed as well as scenes from season 1 of Man in the High Castle which can be found on Amazon Prime)

• Hikes close to town include Coal Mine Trail (you can hike or bike this one) and the Roslyn Urban Forest.
• After you finish hiking, there are some amazing food joints you can go to. My favorite is the famous Roslyn Cafe (which gained notoriety from Northern Exposure). It has a Tater Tot Bowl of the Month. Yes, you read that right. Each month they create a new way to glorify tater tots. I had a fancy vegetable one once that was AMAZING. It’s creative, rustic, delicious food.
• If you aren’t feeling up for a bowl of tater tots, Basecamp Books and Bites is quite possibly the coolest small shop I have ever been in. It has a simple, small menu that packs tons of flavor, games like Jenga in the back for families and friends to play while waiting for their food, and a small, curated book collection to browse and purchase that has everything from children’s lit to adult non-fiction. There are also other outdoorsy items like apparel, water bottles, and art. I love this place.

I hope your spring break is full of adventure and magic moments.

Hi.

Nine months ago, in January, I was feeling on top of the world. We had had a wonderful holiday season and I felt refreshed with the new year. I had goals and a plan to implement them and week one had gone swimmingly; I was riding a high of accomplishment and daydreams.

Then life happened.

My husband’s family underwent a family crisis that necessitated his younger sister moving in with us. This was a choice we made together happily. She is fourteen years old and at the time was being homeschooled. We considered enrolling her in school but didn’t want to shock her system even more, so instead I guided her through her curriculum (which she received from a local homeschooling group) for the rest of the year. She still lives with us and we are so happy to have her. Seriously. She is such a strong and insightful girl and is a big help to us, especially for babysitting needs. She just started at the local high school and is thriving. Seriously, she is remarkable.

After she moved in, I took Max ice skating (being inspired by the Olympics) and promptly fractured my elbow after one lap on the ice. It was the tiniest fracture and just needed a month to heal, but it was definitely interesting to feel my body limited and not as strong as I like to be.

THEN in February a tree fell on our house.

Not joking.

There was a big windstorm and while we were at church (#blessings), our neighbor called us to let us know that the big pine tree in our back yard had snapped 20 ft up and fallen backwards onto our roof. When Kyle pulled me aside during a meeting at church, I literally crumpled to the floor. I imagined the worst, opening the front door to branches and birds sitting on my shelves. Thankfully that was not the case. The tree fell on the back half of the house and damaged the interior structural integrity (including breaking some beams from the roof in our bedroom). It was still livable (if not slightly draftier from some cracks in the walls) and so we initiated the insurance process.

We are still waiting for construction to start. In May they finally approved demolishing the siding and the lath and plaster walls of the rooms affected (which happened to include all bedrooms except for Kyle’s sister’s room). Each step has taken a month to approve and finalize and while demoing we stayed with my mother (to avoid the lead and asbestos abatement). The whole process has just been so ridiculously slow that I have grown semi-proud of my patience. I have learned that I can live like a vagabond and create home as long as I have my family with me.

I would love to wrap this up by saying “Thank goodness I am a minimalist because it made everything so much easier and I never have had to look for anything because I don’t own anything, blah blah blah…” Half my home is boxed up in random areas; the basement is a maze, the garage is cluttered, and I don’t even know what Kyle took to my step-father’s storage unit but I am probably looking for it. There is clutter and stuff everywhere. I keep having to buy new things because I am overwhelmed with even knowing where to look for the originals.

All this to say, I have been learning a lot. Learning about family, and education and minimalism and parenting and friendship.

All of this is incredibly hard and very lonely. Each week things change and our needs readjust with it and I can’t figure out how to ask for help. It is an exercise in learning how to bend with the wind and not break.

I wanted to write it all down, to make sense of all the swirling thoughts and how to explain this strange series of events that have tested my endurance and sanity. I’m afraid none of this may make much sense, but I have to start somewhere and this seems like a good spot.

Despite our home being a glorified tent and uncertainty ever knocking on our door, I am making the conscious choice to be happy. I am choosing to revel in gratitude for what is good because goodness is always there.

“you do not have to be a fire

for

every mountain blocking you.

you could be a water

and

soft river your way to freedom

too.

 

–options”

(Nayyirah Waheed, Salt 2013)

With the birth of Theo something shifted in my heart. At one point in the early weeks of his life I stared at him. I petted his head, stroked his skin, stared at his teeny toes completely in awe of this tiny life that held such potential and a thought flashed into my mind.

This could be James. This could be his soft skin, his teeny toes. Cherish this time and this child in honor of the one you lost. Make the most of these years with not only this baby but all of your precious boys.

The loss of a child can carry such a weight of using the time we have correctly. It is a constant thought on my mind. It is also something that I am most critical of towards myself when I happen to not live each day perfectly (which happens to be every day).

This is the James effect. The constant reminder of living and creating the best life I can in his honor.

Tomorrow marks four years of me constantly feeling his gap in our family. Four years of remembering him daily. Four years urging my mind to recall all the details of a few hours; his hair, his skin, his toes. Four years of feeling the phantom weight of him in my arms late at night. Four years of regret for ever setting him down. Four years of questioning why I did not cling to him for every second that I had. Four years of staring at a single blurry photo taken by a kind nurse on an outdated camera.

Four years ago was a day that compelled my spirit to humility, pivoting my heart to choose a more intentional life. A life of purer love and empathy, of increased grace and mercy, of greater self-awareness and peace. That is what James has done for me. Four years of living onward in his honor.

A year ago I decided to change the story of his anniversary. Instead of it being a day of sorrow and grief (walled up and hiding from the world), I asked for friends to do an act of service in his name and let me know about it.

Last year I wrote,

“It can be as simple as returning a grocery cart, picking up litter as you play Pokemon Go, giving a compliment, holding a door open for someone, or writing a note to a friend. It can go as far as tipping 30% to your waiter, making a meal for a family with a new baby or someone going through a hardship, you can send flowers to someone who might be sad or lonely, donate blood, write random notes of encouragement and put them under the windshield of cars at a grocery store.

I would love it if you could share with me what you do. You can leave a comment, send me an email, write a message on facebook or take a picture and post it on instagram (#thejameseffect). Whatever you do will be perfect because no matter what it is you choose to do, you are extending that ripple in the water a little further. You are bringing joy and light on his behalf. You are helping me to see that this heartache has purpose and that the world is a better place, even just a little bit, because of James.”

It was incredibly wonderful and empowering to see my grief and sorrow transformed into action as friends and family sent me messages of their kind deeds throughout the day. I was giddy by the days end as I realized so many were taking the time to think of him and be impacted by him. My heart swelled knowing I wasn’t alone in remembering him that day.

I hope you will participate again this year, remembering that service doesn’t necessarily need to be grandiose, but that even the smallest of acts, like the smallest of lives, can make a difference.

That together the weight of the James effect may be easier and the burden lighter.

 ^“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

 

This past Tuesday was my husband’s 30th birthday.

There is so much to love about this guy.

His chiseled jaw.

His super smarts.

His ability to be really good at almost anything.

His example of quiet determination and daily consistent effort.

When our five year old asks a question beyond my knowledge or ability to explain, he ALWAYS delivers the perfect response. The other night at dinner Max asked, “How does water steal heat from our body?” I mean I know it does, but I don’t know the actual science behind it. Kyle did.

He is the least materialistic person I know. He will go without, far longer than makes sense, because to him very little is necessary for contentment.

His affection is sweet and gentle. Never does a day go by that he doesn’t make sure to let me know his love for me. I feel adored in his eyes.

His faith is strong and enduring. He lives with such surety and confidence in who he is and who the Savior is. Then he takes that knowledge and spreads the love he feels inside to everyone around him.

He is such a good example of loving people and seeing them as the Savior does, as children of Heavenly Father with infinite potential. As he loves, he builds confidence and truly helps others to rise to their best selves.

I know this first-hand.

He doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body. If he is wronged, he never holds it against a person. He is quick to forgive and forget. This makes him super-human in my eyes.

One of my most favorite attributes of his, however, is that he has the ability to make anything fun. He turns work, school, service, church, waiting in line into something that can always be enjoyed. He understands our purpose in this life is to have joy and he understands that joy isn’t something to chase, but rather to choose and create. It is around us, in our families and with our friends and coworkers. It is in all of those moments in between, where sometimes life slips by, that he laughs to himself or with others.

His joy in the small simple things is the best. A joke or pun will always guarantee a laugh, surprises grant grins, and his children leave him hysterical.

I love this about him, because even when I am in a bad mood, he rarely is.

His joy lifts our family and revives our spirits. He teaches our family so much by this amazing example and I am just so grateful that I had the sense of mind to hold on to this spectacular man when I was younger. Life is infinitely happier and better because of him.

Happy Birthday Suckafish! Grateful to have spent so many days by your side, never able to resist joining in with your infectious smile.    

“It’s pretty fun. A bunch of cute old guys give really inspiring messages and afterwards we have a barbecue. Wanna come?”

I had spent the last week, holed up in my dorm room, trying to avoid the freshman party scene that had emerged. I had intentionally set out to find some Mormon kids, knowing that their idea of fun was what I preferred. I found them at religious club fair. I walked around and around and finally found the booth I was looking for, hesitant to approach, knowing that this could set me on a path that I was still unsure about.

I met some great Mormon kids at the booth and they invited me to a social to celebrate the new school year. So the next night, I arrived and found that familiar comfort I had felt being around Kyle before he left to serve a two-year mission. For the first time in two months, my mind relaxed and my spirit brightened.

I had a ton of fun that night and at the end of it I was asked, by the same girl who invited me to the social, if I wanted to join her for General Conference the next morning. Old guys with inspiring messages, I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, but I knew I didn’t want to let go of the light and joy that I had felt at the social.

So the next morning, she picked me and few other students up and we drove across the 520 bridge towards the bishops home which was nestled in a strangely rural area outside Seattle. Inside his house, tons of young adults gathered, each vying for the best spot on a comfy leather couch. They all agreed that I definitely should get couch privilege and I felt special being there. Bowls of nuts and candy were set out and blankets were dispersed. I settled in and watched a small countdown in the corner of the tv tick away.

People started hushing each other and soon the room filled with a swell of organ music, then a prayer took place and then we sat and listened for two hours to cute, old guys give inspiring messages.

It was wonderful. My whole body felt warm and light and my mind filled with so much peace. It was like someone was pouring out the goodness of God upon me.

Afterward we ate pulled pork and potato salad and they informed me that in another hour there would be another two hours to watch, if I wanted to stay I was more than welcome.

I stayed.

After that I was told it would happen all over again tomorrow, but without the comfort of the bishop’s house and a barbecue. The messages of love and hope were enough for me to say yes. So the next day, I joined my new friend and my soul was filled again.

This was my first experience going to church and really, it was what set me down my path to getting baptized. When I tell members of my faith this story, they laugh because it is quite unusual for a non-member to endure the eight hours of general conference that happen twice a year.

I thought I was just looking for good, clean fun, but instead I found a fountain overflowing with treasure.

This experience gave me a deep and abiding love for General Conference. I excitedly look for ward to clearing off those two weekends of my year and relish in the excitement of messages that have always answered the questions and thoughts of my heart.

My spirit still leaps at the first swell of organ.

This weekend is one of those exciting weekends. I now gather with my family, we eat toasted bagels with lox and cream cheese for breakfast and I sit and journal my thoughts while the boys build legos on the floor. It is a special time set aside. At the end of the weekend I am always grateful for it, even when it seems inconvenient.

The messages from general conference fill me with a brightness of hope for the future. As the heaviness of the world wears me down, I find that the inspired men and women who speak at General Conference speak messages that lift me up. They fill my mind with ideas and action that I can take to combat whatever comes my way. They remind me of God’s infinite love and his constant hand.

Each weekend feels like a reset, a time to get a full-charge.

I have so much gratitude for that friend who had the impression to invite and introduce me to what might seem like a pretty overwhelming weekend. She knew the power that can come from taking the time to sit and listen to a servant of the Lord. The men and women who speak are called of God and the messages they prepare are done so with a great deal of prayer and study. There have been messages that have answered the complicated questions in my heart, there have been messages that bring clarity to thoughts and ideas I have been having, and there have been messages that fill me with the Spirit of God, strengthening my testimony and trust in a loving Heavenly Father.

I will always be glad that I accepted that invitation that led me to the greatest bounty of peace in my life. General Conference will always serve as a reminder to me that I am not alone on this earth. Heavenly Father has sent servants to help and aid me, to help bring a surety and confidence to move in the right direction.

I know that His hand is outstretched still.

If you are curious about General Conference, I encourage you to watch. You can do so from your own home. The link below has a list of the many ways to watch (It starts 10am MST, so if you are in the PNW with me, it starts at 9am).

Watch General Conference

Have a wonderful, uplifting weekend. I know I will!

When you spend a year doing your best not to shop, you get a much more clear idea of what it is you actually like and want, rather than what an ad tries to convince you that you need.

Clothes were my biggest culprit prior to last years challenge. I wasn’t an excessive shopper by any means (my favorite store was a thrift store) but I definitely ended up with a lot of clothes that I thought I liked but didn’t actually wear. Not shopping forced me to forge deeper into the depths of my lesser worn items and as creative as I tried to be with them, I still didn’t really want to wear them.

Thus, a clear picture of my style emerged and a clear vision of what I valued in clothing emerged as well.

For some clothing is a purely functional endeavor but I have always loved clothes for their ability to help me feel creative, confident, and strong. Some might try to pass off clothes and style as only a shallow endeavor (and it certainly can be) but I found that clothes are a fun and simple form of self-expression. That isn’t shallow at all. When we utilize what we wear to give the world an idea of who we are, clothes can be incredibly empowering. They can absolutely make us feel beautiful and confident and lovely and carefree, and they should! It really is about finding what makes you feel most like yourself.

So I knew I wanted to challenge myself again and challenging my wardrobe was what I was drawn toward.

As I read to stay motivated last year, one challenge kept coming back up and piquing my interest, Project 333. The challenge is pretty simple, 33 items of clothing for 3 months. This includes shoes and accessories and typically does not include activewear and sleepwear. Many people have undergone this challenge and you can look up their efforts under #project333. It’s basically a twisted version of fashion blogging, and many have tweaked the guidelines to fit more in line with their lives (which is encouraged by the creator of the project), but the main element typically stays the same: 33 items, 3 months.

I have loved looking at other’s challenges and what they chose and how they wore it, so with this challenge I will try to document it along the way, most likely on instagram (@gidgetgoestorome). I chose not to include outerwear or accessories (because my accessory game is non-existent) and am giving myself 3 opportunities to alternate an item if something really isn’t being worn (sticking with the magical number 3 makes it legitimate right?).

So without further ado, here are the clothes!

13 tops total. Lots of blues, whites and pinks. I know what colors make me feel most confident, what can I say?

The sweaters. Keeping me warm on those colder spring days. I actually got all my items down to 34 and really struggled to finally ditch a third gray sweater that I was holding on to. Kyle convinced me to let go, especially since it was wool and wouldn’t get that much wear now that the days were getting warmer, plus no one needs 3 gray sweaters…

Nursing-friendly dresses! I love dresses, they always make me feel instantly put together with very little thought. The denim one can be dressed up or down and the floral is perfect for a few fancier occasions coming up (Easter, baby blessing, school fundraiser).

Both of these pants are for warmer days. The chambray gauchos are a risk, but I wanted a little excitement in my life. That’s right, I live on the edge with chambray gauchos, be jealous.

My favorite and most worn skirts. I am actually looking for a chambray a-line skirt (I like denim okay?!) to replace the floral but feel like I might have to venture into sewing it myself, a project for summer!

The jeans clockwise from the top left: skinny, boyfriend, destroyed, black.

Wedges, booties, nude flats. Each spring I purchase a new pair of nude flats, because they are my most worn shoe. I haven’t been able to make the purchase yet, but plan to replace these within the next couple of weeks with a new pair because these ones are on their last leg of life (and I can because it is my challenge and I am an adult).

Sandals (which actually need to be replaced as well but I will wait until July), sneaks (that I have had since 2008!), black flats.

So there you have it! This is what I will be wearing for the next three months starting April 1st. If you feel inclined to do this yourself or think “33 items? I probably only have that many already!” (this is straight from the husband’s mouth), I challenge you to join me. The benefits far outweigh the struggle of these challenges and I promise there is a secret bonus: less laundry!

In the meantime, I am consciously choosing not to wear anything in these pictures until this Saturday.

When I was a teenager, I started making the habit to wash my face each evening before bed.

I take the time for the water to warm, gently wash off the day’s experiences and finally take a bit of moisturizer and massage that in. What started out as advice from my mother (that I was reluctant to receive) turned into my favorite act of self-care.

Because it isn’t just washing my face anymore.

Over the years it developed into a beautiful moment where I look myself in the eyes and mentally affirm my self-worth. I see myself stripped of hard and tiring efforts in my day, my skin is happy and glowing and I catch that sparkle in my eyes that I have always loved. It is a simple moment of self-love, to know that I am beautiful and have value on this earth; to see that I am powerful and capable despite my weaknesses.

There were times though when it was hard to look in the mirror, when I averted my own gaze. Losing James sent me in a tailspin in which I forgot who I was and what I was capable of. I remember rubbing my face aggressively and the times when I did look in my own eyes, they looked so sad that I could never stare for long. I was scared of myself. Scared of what my own grief could do to me, scared of its power to transform my eyes so that they lost that sparkle. I could feel my own sadness when I looked in the mirror and it would send me to tears.

Have you ever watched yourself cry? Big tears well up and fall as your face contorts and swells; it confirms that you look as sad as you feel.

But there wasn’t only sadness, there was a lot of bitterness and shame. I was mad at myself, at my body for such an act of betrayal. I didn’t feel strong or capable, I felt contempt.

So I spent months, routinely washing my face, moisturizing but skipping that moment of self-love.

I have learned that Heavenly Father is acutely aware of us and is always trying to reach us. He desires to send His words of peace and love straight into our hearts, that it can flow from that central point to the rest of our being. If it starts at the heart, it will make it to the brain, to the eyes. Then we can think and see clearly what He sees.

In those months of sadness, I began studying the concept of individual-worth. Not of my own curiosity, but as part of program called Personal Progress that was created by my church. As I studied the assigned scriptures and sought out talks given by inspired men of God, the reality of how much Heavenly Father knew me started to hit. I started to remember moments where He was mindful of me, I started feeling His infinite love so fully that I started looking at myself in the mirror at the end of each day.

When I did, I saw how much love can transform us for the better. The love we have for our families and children fills us with purpose and strength; the love our Father has for us because we are His children is a constant reminder of our worth. His love is infinite and He extends that infinite love to each an every one of us.

When I look at myself in the mirror at the end of each day, good or bad, I take that moment to see myself as He sees me, as a child of God with infinite worth and a divine purpose.

It helps me see beyond my limited view and when I do I feel beautiful, I feel strong, but most importantly I feel His love.

I have had a few months to sit and reflect on the challenge I gave myself last year not to shop. I entered with so much trepidation and feel largely successful in my efforts, not because I was perfect at not shopping, but because I really believe that I learned some valuable lessons that will continue to impact our family for the better.

First off, when you stop shopping for a year, you have to learn to get comfortable saying “No.” It can be so easy to justify and reason with yourself why you feel you might need or deserve something. Asking yourself the simple question, “Can I live without this?” quickly clarifies your real feelings. You can live without more than you think. When that question feels too harsh, asking “Will this really improve my life?” is another great way to sort out whether something is needed or not.

The flip side to saying no is that you become awesomely adept at finding creative solutions. You learn to borrow, you find activities that are free, you connect with people far more. Saying “no” to all the unnecessary makes room for our relationships to enlarge and brighten.

The second lesson I learned was that it is really important to know your triggers and if you can’t avoid them, make a plan to get through them. I have learned that there are definite trigger stores for me (Target, Ikea, and Costco being the main culprits). There is a reason these stores are popular and there is a reason they make a lot of money. They are good at what they do. I was most successful when I avoided these places all together. Being tempted is never easy and these stores always had something that I could see being helpful in my life. However, when I didn’t know something existed, I was living just fine without it in the first place. Also, everyone makes jokes about walking into Target and leaving spending way more money than planned…I mean I laugh too, but sometimes jokes speak great truths.

One major discovery was that change was a larger trigger than I expected and I wasn’t prepared for it. Within the space of three months we bought and moved into a fixer upper, found out I was pregnant again, and started rehearsals for a musical. Life was busy and time felt short and I was tired in every sense. That is when it became a lot easier to justify things like eating out. At one point Kyle bought me a few tops (at Target of course) because all of my maternity clothes had gone through the ringer (ahem…three previous pregnancies) and it was like it unleashed a floodgate of justifying purchases a little more easily. I would probably say I was still pretty stringent by most peoples standards, but it definitely crossed the line that I had set for myself, which was disappointing. Through this I learned that I am most successful when I plan ahead.

I also found that when I surrounded myself with the right voices, it helped me to stay focused. There are tons of bloggers, instagrammers, facebook pages, and writers out there who live minimally. They promote a simplified life and offer tons of insight and advice. When I take the time to really read their words, they help to fortify my desire to make these positive changes in how we live. They drown out all those other posts about whatever sale is going on and those supposed “must-have” items. They redirect persuading thoughts back to where you want them, on the things that hold true value.

The biggest takeaway from this shopping ban was not the amount of money saved, but the establishment of a simpler, more free way of life. A life where I don’t feel hurried or overwhelmed, where I have tons of time to be present and pursue worthwhile goals. I have loved having more freedom to reflect and meditate upon what values I want to promote for myself and within my family. Saying “no” more often means getting to say “yes” to what matters most.  There are so many things that we know drain our energy and leave us frustrated but we continue on, pushed forward by unknown forces to maintain the status quo. Taking a break from shopping disrupted this standard and revealed a slower pace.

This slower pace makes room for quiet reflection, for sitting and reading with my sons and building tower after tower. It prioritizes time together, gathered around the table for dinner or snuggled on the couch with a bowl of popcorn.  It gives me moments to recharge by reading a book or taking a walk. It has clarified dreams and goals and given me power to pursue them. More often I feel myself grinning and finding joy in everyday moments.

This shopping ban was the tip of an iceberg of discovering minimalism. On my favorite minimalist blog, Becoming Minimalist, Joshua Becker clarifies what minimalism is. He writes, “At its core, minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.” I love this! This is the heart of what I have discovered and I want to continue challenging myself to promote what I value and get rid of the excess.

I have a few more ideas in mind to keep this momentum going.

Stay tuned.

The grass is matted down to the earth, still unaware that the snow has melted.

The days alternate between gray skies, late winter flurries that melt instantly, fierce winds that drop the temperature by ten degrees, and glorious, bright sunshine-filled days.

The gray skies feel numbing after this long winter. The late winter flurries confuse and tease. The wind feels forceful, but the sun, the sun transforms.

It melts the snow and sends droplets falling from every surface, flickering as the light catches them in free fall. Small streams run at the edges of streets, cars splash through deep puddles, the world comes alive.

But that grass is still stuck, seemingly frozen in place.

I feel like that grass.

I have largely sequestered myself at home. Finding comfort in the familiar four walls that contain my children, I know what to expect. I know that if Danny runs off, he is either 1) playing with one of the three sinks in our home 2) upstairs dumping out the Duplo box to make the tallest tower or 3) wandering the house with my phone taking pictures of the dog, the walls, pillows, piles of clothes (dirty and clean), and most recently himself (He prefers a blue-tinted filter for everything).

But I am growing restless and have been itching for my brain to thaw. I imagine my neural pathways stuck in routine, matted together like leaves of grass. I feel my brain and body gaining clarity and momentum with the sunshine and all these ideas and projects have come rushing in.

Traveling, book clubs, hiking clubs, art classes, play-dates, curated closet, bathroom remodel, kitchen remodel, theater, gardening, movies, writing and these ideas keep looping around over and over.

So I sit frozen, unable to make any progress on any of those ideas (Except the one day I managed to remove the seashell wallpaper in the bathroom!) and then I get sad and frustrated and I wallow and sulk in all those unexplored ideas and wonder if any will ever come to fruition.

But the sunshine is melting the earth and I feel energy reviving my mind and with it I am given the sweet reminder.

Be gentle with yourself. Time is slow and fast and precious. Spring doesn’t arrive in one day, it comes at first in the melting and gains momentum in the sunshine. New buds and leaves rise up and stretch and fan out and new grass will grow, disrupting what is matted together and there will be a day when you sit outside enjoying the sunshine with the biggest grin because spring has arrived.  That transition always feels sudden after the fact.

As I slowly stretch myself from these newborn days, I want to be careful not to run faster than I am able (as I am inclined to do). Leisurely mental walks feel lovely and are just the pace for those swirling ideas to find their footing.

There is no rush because I have learned that my life is not a race. Knowing my greatest treasure lies within my four walls I have found peace within my simple days of staying at home. As my days are filled with messes and cries, I find space for small commitments that challenge and strengthen me. I embrace opportunities that fill and revitalize.

I feel that gentle shift; like Winter turns into Spring and new grass starts to grow.

Inside the safety and warmth of my home I have been able to snuggle a precious newborn. I have taken the time to watch him nurse, eyes looking for mine. I have held him in my arms and simply watched each breath, every relaxed inhale and exhale notes a peace that many children yearn for.

Within my own community, I hear stories of children who struggle, who are neglected and sometimes even unloved. My mom works directly with these children, laboring relentlessly to help families find long-term solutions for their troubles. She calls, emails, and visits schools, she fights for those who have no one in their corner. It is tiring work that not many can or are willing to do, but she knows that if she doesn’t do it, often no one else will.

As I scroll through my news feeds, both social and press, I have been overwhelmed with stories and opinions and felt frozen with indecision on what I can contribute to the dialogue. There is not much I can say that has not already been spoken of and for that I have refrained, and on another hand many conversations are wrought with mocking and rage which I have found to be of little help for anyone.

However, I have also been inspired; by those who have found their voice in this massive sea, by those who have the time and resources to peacefully protest, by those who have found their footing creating light-filled activism.

As I have sat in the comfort of my home, tending to this new life, I have been filled with fear and anger, confusion and shock at the words and actions of our President and how much he has impacted the humanity of our nation. I think about this new baby and the world he has joined. As his mother, I feel the urgency to take care of him by giving him all the tools he will need to withstand chaos and confusion. Then I think of all of those children, within my very own community, who have very few advocates, if any. I think of those children in war-torn nations who have families and advocates but still struggle to escape their reality because of resources and laws.

I do not understand the lack of empathy that I see in the choices of our leaders, and it pains me because I feel helpless as the problems seem so huge and insurmountable and here I sit on my couch nursing my child for the millionth time and picking up messes and folding clean clothes. My life ticks on, the world still spins and yet there are people who are simply seeking refuge.

A life of simply nursing and cleaning clothes. A life where the messes can be picked up and tidied.

As we look at our history and the atrocities committed, humanity has been at the heart of it. Our humanity is our ability to empathize and understand. To find ways to lift and help each other. Our humanity is rooted in civil discourse and peaceful activism. When I think of the horrors of our history, it is the silence and dismissing that haunt me. The shrugging of shoulders and closing of curtains.

I want to purposefully participate in the goodness of humanity; the creation of light and peace.

As a mother of newborn, I am limited but there is still much that I can do.

I will start with maintaining the peace in my home. I will create a safe haven for my children and do my best to open my doors and set a spot at my table for others.

I will speak up when I see or hear discrimination. I will not do this with anger or mocking but with a steady voice, rooted in kindness.

I will write letters and make phone calls to representatives and speak up for civil liberties.

I will continue to be aware and conscious of the issues that surround us and the impact they have not only on MY family but how they impact ALL families. The quick or easy solutions are rarely best, but the solutions that take into account diverse voices and experiences have lasting power.

I will pray. I will pray for my nation. I will pray for those who lead and guide this country to do so with love. I will pray for the many who are hurt by and live in fear of the actions of our government. For refugees and immigrants, for people of color and women, for the poor and desolate, for the children who yearn for safe walls, for a haven of their own.

If I am a mother, I am a mother to all. I will follow the example of my Savior and open my arms, stretch out my hands, and make space in my heart to love and care for all of God’s children.